I Think You Have a Screw Loose

The service industry has all types of clients. Fun-Loving. Goofy. Serious. Politically Motivated. Scared. Worried. Curious. Know It All.

My beloved pest control industry is no different. I usually get the scared and worried clients more than the others, but I will take the calls and do the services efficiently and correctly. Sometimes these interactions make me want to send in a robot dog for service.

One such client was a routine general pest service. The husband was home, and he showed me the areas of concern. We were trading educational conversation while I was inspecting. “Did you know that permethrin makes bees pop their own heads off?” he stated. “I hadn’t heard that, but I will call a trusted contact.” I replied. Husband of the Year (sarcasm) assured me that it was true.

On another instance, I received a call for cockroach feces. The young nurse was worried about an infestation. After careful investigation, the cockroach activity was liquid graphite. It’s the same compound used to fix a squeaky hinge and lubricate a stuck lock. Crisis averted. Whew!

I love cute old ladies. They have a wide variety of life experiences that intrigue me. With a sewing machine table set up and fabric everywhere, Miss Loretta was excited to make blankets for her church. She reminisced, “I used to make all my clothes because our family had to be frugal.” Knowing that I should be quiet and listen, I just smiled. “Yes, ma’am, I removed the webbing from your soffits and replaced your egress window covers. I hope you have a wonderful rest of your week.” The reply: I’m 87 years old. I miss my family and want to go home. I hope I’m dead by Friday. WHAT??!!

A referral call from a property management sent me to a duplex for a rodent issue. My inspection started on the exterior from the driveway. Unkempt lawn, screen door seal missing and doesn’t close completely, hole around utility conduits, damaged soffits, trees touching the roofline, and trash debris.

I asked the tenant a series of questions: When and where do you hear the noise? In the attic and in the wall. It happens mostly at night. Have you seen rodent droppings or caught any mice? No. Are there any holes in the walls, doors, or windows? No. Has anything been chewed on? No.

A full assessment enlightened me, and I shared the findings with the tenant. While explaining that there was no rodent activity, the HVAC unit in the attic came on…. Squeaking, rattling, scratching, whistling. “Young lady, you have a screw loose on your HVAC ductwork.”

If pest control wasn’t a customer facing industry, I wouldn’t be greeted by these sly, cantankerous, matter of fact, crude, smart aleck, and sassy clients. Every day is an adventure that I have no intention of giving up. I’m looking forward to what’s next.